Breaking & Entering! Doing it in the Bedroom!
by tsutsuji
Summary: Xel & Zel discover an old sorcerer's special magic toys in an abandoned mansion. Lina is a thousand miles away, or so Zelgadis thinks until she crashes through the wall. XelxZel


**Title: Breaking & Entering! They're doing it in the bedroom?**  
**Author: tsutsuji**  
**Rating: Adult/R**  
**Warnings: m/m sex, nothing horrible**  
**Word count:** around 4190

prompt: May 1st - Slayers, Xelloss/Zelgadis: interrupted sex - He wasn't sure what was more mortifying-the fact that they'd been caught fucking, or the fact that Xelloss found it hysterical

**Summary: **what the prompt says, only sillier  
**A/N:** fluuffff and Slayers humor, X/Z-style. XD

Zelgadis was halfway through the main library and his fourth pot of tea before the protective wards he'd placed around the ruined old mansion finally wavered and fell. He barely had time to set down his tea cup before a familiar voice was crooning into his ear, familiar gloved hands wrapped around him from behind.

"That wasn't a very nice welcome for an old friend, was it, Zelgadis? Some of those wards really stung when I broke through them, you know!"

Zelgadis ducked his head to hide his smile. The voice was softly threatening, or maybe just teasing. It was hard to tell one from the other with Xelloss, even for him, even these days. He made sure his reply sounded as disgruntled as possible, the appropriate response for either mood Xelloss might be in.

"It's what you should expect if you insist on breaking through an anti-mazoku barrier, you stupid, bothersome priest!"

Xelloss actually recoiled, though he did not let go of Zelgadis.

"Oh my, you really are cold today! All business and no fun this time, is it? Well, in that case, let me see what we have here..."

He leaned over Zelgadis' shoulder again, peering down at the book Zel happened to be leafing through a moment ago. Zelgadis slammed it shut - not that there was anything the least bit interesting in that particular book - and turned his head to glare at the nosy mazoku,.

"Fairy tales?" Xelloss said, raising one eyebrow. "Not your usual reading material, Zel-san!"

Zelgadis didn't answer beyond tossing the book away. The priest just sighed and clicked his tongue. Then, with a small grin, he rested his chin on Zelgadis' rocky shoulder and scanned the rest of the library.

Zelgadis waited, his shoulders tense with frustration that he hoped would hide the anticipation underneath. Well, no, his play-acting probably didn't hide anything from Xelloss, not any more than the faint glamor the old sorcerer had placed over his library hid anything from the mazoku's magical senses.

"Hm... hmmmm..." Xelloss murmured, cocking his head to one side and then to the other. He turned, pulling Zelgadis around with him, to survey all three walls of bookshelves in the large room. Zelgadis could faintly sense him stretching a part of his spirit out like psychic antennae. Xelloss ignored the piles of books Zelgadis had already thrown on the floor to concentrate on all that was left on the shelves, and then reached further afield to examine the smaller libraries on the other floors of the mansion from where he stood.

"Mmm? Hhhmm!" he continued to make expressive sounds, his lips quirking in various expressions.

"Xelloss, don't you dare incinerate those libraries when I haven't even had a chance to look at them!" he growled. He made a move to slip out of the mazoku's loose embrace, which naturally only grew tighter around him. Very tight, in fact; he grunted and grabbed Xelloss' arms, even though he knew he wasn't likely to succeed in prying them loose, at least not without casting a spell at him.

"Why would I do that?" Xelloss asked, turning to him with an innocent pout.

Zelgadis stopped wiggling against him and stared at his damnably cute face. Xelloss fluttered his eyelashes. His eyes glittered with a hint of power under his bangs, a sharp contrast to the angelic innocence of his expression.

Zelgadis just went on staring at him with narrowed eyes, though one eyebrow did begin to twitch after a few seconds. He held on, though, until the corner of Xelloss' lip started to quiver.

That was it. Zelgadis couldn't keep up the act any longer. The smile he'd been holding back broke out on his face. He hid it behind his hand at the same exact moment that Xelloss finally cracked up.

"All right, all right!" he said a moment later, chuckling quietly, while Xelloss continued to giggle with his face pressed against Zel's neck. "So there's nothing you need to destroy here?"

"Not a thing!" Xelloss said brightly, raising his head to look at him again. "They're all yours this time, if you want them! Though I have to say, I don't see any reason why you would."

He still had his arms around Zelgadis from behind. One arm was wrapped around his ribs comfortably, but the other hand had slipped down towards his hip, moving slowly, as if he thought Zelgadis wouldn't notice. _Hah_.

Zelgadis sighed. The disappointment was genuine, even if it was greatly exaggerated. He wasn't really surprised. The first few hundred books he'd looked at had done nothing to get his hopes up, and the fact that Xelloss detected nothing of interest in the entire house only confirmed what he'd already assumed. The mazoku had just saved him the time and trouble of checking out every single one book for powerful magic.

That, of course, was exactly why he'd put up such an obvious "no mazoku allowed" barrier around the house, after he'd broken through the much more formidable magical wards that had kept the old sorcerer's mansion from being raided and vandalized for almost five hundred years. There was a bit of dragon-magic in them, just enough to keep a mazoku completely at bay, but easy enough for a modern human sorcerer to unlock.

The old mage had clearly practiced a fairly advanced degree of both Black and White magic for his time. Unfortunately, in the 500 years since his death, magical knowledge had advanced to the point where his once cutting-edge theories and experiments were completely out of date.

Zelgadis couldn't count the visit a total waste of time, though. He'd collected a small pile of books that would be valuable as antiques, and there were a few other magical treasures around the place that would bring a nice price, once he got Xelloss to smuggle them out of the place over the old sorcerer's binding spells on them.

There was a great deal of more mundane treasure locked away here as well, but that was of little interest to him. Lina would drool over it if she knew about it, but the last he'd heard, she and Gourry were somewhere in Elmekia, all the way on the other side of the continent.

Sorting through the rest of the place could come later. There were other reasons that Zelgadis was not all that disappointed in the contents of the library. Xelloss was already switching his focus to those reasons, as a matter of fact, as his hand finally landed firmly on Zelgadis' upper thigh.

"Well then, enough business," Xelloss said, his voice falling to a silky croon in Zel's ear. "On to pleasure, hm? I believe I noticed a well preserved master bedroom in the southeastern tower as I was passing through a moment ago. I don't suppose the old mage would care if we put it to our own uses, seeing as his ghost hasn't been raised by the mess you've made of his precious old library!"

"A bedroom?" Zelgadis said, rearing back to give the mazoku a shocked glare. "Are you joking? That's so... so ordinary, Xelloss. Don't tell me this old place doesn't have a dungeon? Or perhaps a laboratory," he went on.

He leaned closer and let his lips stretch into a his 'heartless sorcerer-swordsman' smile.

"These books may be out of date for practical magic, but the old mage had some unusual theories about astral spells for binding spirit creatures. I thought perhaps I could perform a few ... _experiments_... with your help, of course, Xelloss."

"Oooh, Zel-san," Xelloss cooed. He sidled around until he was facing Zelgadis. The hand that had been caressing his thigh slipped around to his ass instead. "What a very interesting idea! But, trust me, I think you'll find all you need for 'experimentation' in that tower room I mentioned."

Zelgadis made a show of needing to consider this carefully before agreeing, though it was probably quite obvious to Xelloss what he really thought of this suggestion. If his emotions didn't reveal it clearly enough, his body was making it quite plain, and Xelloss certainly was standing close enough to notice. He was still standing there, pretending to have Serious Doubts, when Xelloss took the liberty of teleporting them to the room.

This is how, an hour or so later, Zelgadis found himself sprawled face down across an enormous four-posted bed, his ass propped up on a pile of silken pillows that hummed and vibrated around his very attentive erection. His clothes were strewn across the large room along with a few enchanted objects that one or the other of them had discovered in a raid on the old sorcerer's closets. Xelloss' clothes had long since disappeared.

As if the physical stimulation wasn't already enough to make him feel fairly crazed with need, he had the recent memory of Xelloss moaning and twitching under him, a happily shocked expression on his ridiculously cute face while Zelgadis proved one of the old sorcerer's theories about astral bodies - probably not in the way the old man had envisioned. Then again, considering what they'd found in his closets, Zelgadis would not put anything past him by now. In fact, he'd started to think that if they had disturbed his spirit, he was likely to be hovering somewhere nearby, enjoying the show.

Xelloss draped himself across Zelgadis' back, one hand tugging at his hair - a particular form of stimulation that even his golem body could enjoy, as they'd discovered by accident on one earlier memorable occasion - and the other fondling him in preparation for Xelloss to fuck what was left of his brains out.

"Are you all ready for me at last, Zelgadis-san? I think there are a few more things I could try... there's still that paddle with the runes on it that we haven't tried activating yet... "

Zelgadis growled and craned his neck to glare over his shoulder at the infuriating mazoku. Considering how desperately aroused he felt, it might not have been the most convincing glare, but he did try.

"Xelloss, if you don't get on with it, I'll Blast Bomb you into the next country!"

Unfortunately, that came out more like a desperate plea than a threat. Xelloss giggled happily, but didn't keep him waiting any longer.

This time, he only vaguely noticed the astral vibration when the new shields he'd hastily thrown up after Xelloss' arrival were also broken down. A small part of his mind jumped up with a warning, but he was too thoroughly distracted by what Xelloss was doing to him to pay any attention to it. In the few seconds he might have used to put up a new defense or at least pull himself together, all that came out of his mouth were moans of "oh... Xelloss... nnghgh... don't ever... stop...aahhhh...!"

"Dam Brass!"

The shout came from somewhere beyond the outer wall of the tower room, just below the window. Glass and stone exploded into a cloud of shards and dust that rushed toward them - and then parted and billowed around them, repelled by a shield Xelloss must have thrown up before Zelgadis could even blink.

When he did raise his head and blink a second later, he was looking straight at a huge gap that had appeared in the outside wall of the tower. He focused on it just in time to see a flash of red and black and gold, a figure that flew up into view with a flutter of black mantle and a flying mane of chestnut hair. She landed lightly and stood there, framed by the newly made opening and highlighted in beams sunlit dust raised by the explosion.

"Aha! Found... it..." the petite figure cried out in triumph, her voice trailing off at the end to numb silence.

Zelgadis stared at her, hardly able to believe she was really standing there. Lina Inverse stared back, her eyes bigger than her... mouth, which was frozen in her grin of gluttonous triumph.

"_EH_?" she finally screeched, recoiling from the scene that greeted her eyes, right where she'd no doubt expected to see mounds of gleaming treasure - rather than, so to speak, mounds of gleaming, naked chimera and mazoku. She stumbled backward on the edge of the broken wall.

She would have fallen right out of her own do-it-yourself doorway, except that a familiar head of long, golden hair popped up behind her just then. Gourry the swordsman, having scrambled up the wall from below, caught Lina in his arms and plunked her back onto her feet inside the opening.

Zelgadis was almost too astonished to believe they were really there, and he was almost too damn close to orgasm to care. Between the vibrating pillows and Xelloss jerking to a halt inside of him, even the very unwelcome intrusion wasn't enough to discourage his erection. In fact, his hips jerked backward of their own accord, impatient for Xelloss to continue. Maybe that was why Lina's face turned redder than her demon's blood talismans, and Gourry's jaw fell open wide enough to gobble up a triple order of prime steamship round of beef.

Predictably, Xelloss was the only one of them still more or less capable of speech.

"Oh my, if it isn't Lina-san!" Fortunately for his continued existence, even his voice was shaky, and the giggle that followed sounded genuinely nervous.

His greeting was enough to trigger a flurry of waving arms and incoherent cries from Lina, in which the words "Xelloss" and "pervert" and "my treasure damn it" could be heard. Zelgadis buried his hot face in the bed sheets, which did nothing to cool his cheeks, especially with the rest of him still on display. He was thankful that the pillows hid some parts of him, at least. Xelloss continued to giggle, and over Lina's sputterings, he began to try to explain.

After a few horrible seconds of this cacophony, Gourry whispered Lina's name loud enough to be heard halfway down the valley. Zelgadis raised one eye just enough to look over at him; the swordsman held one hand over his face, half covering his eyes, while the other hand poked Lina in the shoulder.

"WHAT!" Lina snapped, turning on him.

"I just think we should go somewhere else and let them be alone - don't you?"

A new shade of red crept up Lina's face from her neck. She half turned toward them, but Zelgadis was thankful that she mostly kept her eyes averted.

"I ah, ah..."

"Yes please," Zelgadis groaned. "If you wouldn't mind? Just ... go."

She fell completely silent for a moment, ignoring Gourry's urgent whispers and nudges.

"O-okay," she finally said, uncertainly. "We'll... ah..."

"See you downstairs," Zelgadis suggested as calmly as he could with his face still muffled in the sheets. "In... a while."

"Yeah. Right."

She grabbed Gourry by the hair and swung him, yelping and flailing, out through the wall, then stepped out after him. They both dropped out of sight.

Silence fell, broken only by the sound of Xelloss' muffled giggles. Zelgadis shut him up by thrusting his hips back sharply.

"Oh! Ah. Are you all right, Zel-san?"

"Quite," Zelgadis said through gritted teeth. "Just..."

"Not finished yet?" Xelloss suggested mildly.

"_Hardly_."

"Oh, well, in that case!"

It was some testament to the old sorcerer's skill with magical objects that the conclusion of their activity was just as mind-meltingly good as if they'd never been interrupted at all. Either that, Zelgadis thought as he cleaned himself up some time later, or he was getting far too accustomed to the chaos of having Xelloss as a lover and Lina as a friend.

He half expected Lina and Gourry to be long gone by the time he and Xelloss returned to the main floor of the mansion, but he had forgotten how much food he'd stocked up on. Obviously, the shock Lina had suffered at finding him and Xelloss in that... condition.. required a great deal of nourishment to overcome. Apparently she'd also needed a good round of treasure-hunting in the mansion to calm her down while he and Xelloss were otherwise occupied; he nearly stumbled over a lumpy black sack of the old mage's former belongings in the front hall.

He heard voices in the dining room. Xelloss was already there, talking to Lina, or rather, she was talking at him. As he expected, she was giving the mazoku a tongue-lashing, but not exactly the one Zelgadis expected to hear. He stopped outside the room. It happened that the door was open enough for him to hear every word.

"You'd better not be taking advantage of him just because he thinks his looks are a problem, is what I'm saying," Lina growled at Xelloss, "and don't bother to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!"

"I'm certainly not doing anything of the kind, Lina-san!" Xelloss protested. Zelgadis could imagine the pout on his face from the sound of his voice. "I assure you that I have not coerced him in any way. This all just... happened. I'm quite as much surprised as anyone, to be honest! I assure you, Zelgadis is acting of his own volition. You are free to ask him about that, if you wish."

"Yeah, if I want to embarrass the poor guy to death even more," she muttered. "If I find out you... did something to him to get him to... do something... with you..." she trailed off, the threat in her voice much more clear than her words.

"Lina-san," Xelloss said; his voice had gone strangely quiet, carrying a tone of warning that startled Zelgadis. It was even enough to silence Lina's suspicious muttering. "As it happens, making Zelgadis mine means he is safer now than he ever was when traveling with you."

"Huh," Lina said after a moment of silence. "I suppose dating the Beastmaster's Priest would put him in kind of a 'hands-off' category among demons and such, wouldn't it."

Zelgadis wasn't quite sure how he felt about "belonging to" Xelloss, but what Lina said made sense. In the months since he and Xelloss had been meeting like this, it had become almost too easy to scare off the random lesser demons and other creatures who so often plagued unwary travelers in the region. That had helped considerably when he needed to raise funds or trade for supplies by beating off the monsters terrorizing some beleaguered village.

"Just be a little more discreet from now on, can't you?" Lina grumbled at Xelloss.

"Oh? It's certainly not my fault you chose to come blasting in to that particular room just then, is it?" Xelloss replied reasonably. "Anyone sensible would expect bandits to break in on the ground floor and work their way up, you know!"

That got a growl and a declaration that Lina Inverse was not a bandit in response. She insisted she was only following up on rumors she'd heard about treasure being hidden in the tower of this old place, and when she got here and found the legendary magical barriers around the mansion were nothing special after all, she went right for the gold.

"Nevertheless, people who barge into bedrooms unannounced can hardly lecture other people about being discreet!" Xelloss insisted, with enough righteous indignation to make Amelia proud.

(Thinking of Amelia, Zelgadis spared a moment to thank all the gods of all the worlds that she hadn't tagged along on this little treasure hunt of Lina's. On the one hand, she might have talked Lina out of blasting into the tower like that in the first place. On the other hand, if she hadn't stopped her and had shown up there just then along with Gourry... He winced and covered his face with his hand at the thought of it.)

Lina never conceded Xelloss' innocence in the matter. Muttering something about needing to restore her nerves after the shock, she gave up and headed for the kitchen. Zelgadis was about to follow and try to rescue some of his food supply when he realized Gourry was still there in the dining room with Xelloss.

"Something troubling you, Gourry-san?" Xelloss asked politely.

"I just wondered... "

"Hm?"

"Well, if you wanted us to know about you and Zel, it would have been fine if you'd just told us, wouldn't it?"

"Eh?" Xelloss squawked. "Now, now, Gourry-san," he went on, quickly and nervously. "You shouldn't read so much into little coincidences...!"

He broke off with an _oof_. Zelgadis assumed he'd just received one of Gourry's friendly pats on the back.

"It's okay with us if you make Zel happy, Xelloss!" the swordsman said cheerfully.

Before Xelloss could recover enough to respond to that, Lina yelled from the kitchen.

"Gourry! If you don't come quick I'll eat it all myself!"

Gourry yelped and dashed off to the kitchen, leaving Xelloss alone in the dining room. Zelgadis thought he heard the mazoku chuckling quietly to himself.

He pushed the door open, and Xelloss turned toward him at the sound. The smile that spread across his face looked alarmingly genuine, touched with just a hint of mischief.

"Ah, there you are, Zel-san! I'm afraid Lina-san has probably confiscated most of your food in retaliation for the little surprise we gave her earlier. You should probably join in before it all disappears!"

He went over to the mazoku, took him by the chin and kissed him. Xelloss let out a startled sound that turned into a purr a second later. Then Zelgadis pulled back and scowled.

"I'm sure you enjoyed every second of that 'little surprise,'" he said.

Xelloss didn't even bother to deny it. "Human modesty is always so amusing!" he said gleefully.

Zelgadis decided not to reveal what he'd overheard. He didn't wonder where Lina had heard those rumors about the old sorcerer's mansion, especially after Xelloss had been so particular about carrying on in that particular tower room. He remembered now that it was Xelloss who had mentioned seeing her and Gourry way off in Elmekia when they'd met a few weeks before, leading him to believe he had seen them there recently; in truth it was probably months ago. It would certainly be just like the trickster priest to set up such an absurd confrontation purely for his own amusement.

That alone would be reason enough. He would never have imagined Xelloss might want to declare their relationship to their friends, but he had a feeling Gourry's insight was on the mark. Now that he was over the shock of it, it was a relief not to have to hide it from them. Besides, he had to admit, after some of the things Lina had put him through, it was definitely satisfying to put her on the spot for once.

He sighed and pulled away from Xelloss reluctantly.

"I'd better save what I can," he said, heading toward the kitchen. "I'd rather not have to go down to the village to replenish my supplies any time soon. If the locals notice that we've broken into their legendary magical landmark, they'll be far too curious for convenience."

"Oh? Are you planning to stay here for awhile, then?" Xelloss asked, grinning at this news.

"Why not?" Zelgadis shrugged.

He paused and turned toward Xelloss just before he opened the door to the kitchen. Evidently the meal was already underway; he could hear the clatter of dishes and the familiar muffled sounds of the battle for the last sausage going on inside.

"I still want to take a look at the rest of the library here, just in case. And," he added, with a grin and a raised eyebrow, "I'd like to see what other magical items the old man made. We still didn't try out that paddle with the runes..."

"Oh, _my_, Zel-san," Xelloss said - in a perfectly low, suggestive voice, just as Zelgadis opened the door to the kitchen.

The food fight screeched to a halt, two forks poised over a single baked potato. Lina looked stricken by whatever image Xelloss' voice had just put into her head. With difficulty, she swallowed whatever she'd stuffed into her mouth the moment before.

"Sorry to interrupt," Zelgadis said smoothly.

"Yes, don't mind us!" Xelloss added with a wave of his hand.

Gourry grinned and triumphantly snagged that baked potato.

Red in the face, Lina yelped and lunged at him, and the fight was on again. Zelgadis shook his head, smirked, and poured himself another cup of tea.

~~ end ~~


End file.
